Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
