he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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