Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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