hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
