You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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