if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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