i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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