wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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