oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
