he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
