I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
