Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
