So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
