So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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