: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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