Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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