you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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