you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
