You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
