Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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