So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
