yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
