is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
