Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
