Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
