Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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