hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Someone shattered a urinal.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
