i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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