sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
