Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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