I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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