ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
