Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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