I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
