so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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