I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
