the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
