so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
