my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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