That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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