im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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