my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
so much tequila, so little girl.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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