It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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