the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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