Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
