This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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