It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
