I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
