as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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