it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sext me about skeletons
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize