Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
