my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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