Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
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Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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