I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
