he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
