this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
