dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
