New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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