my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
