tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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