If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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