Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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