you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
