"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
