When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
