1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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