I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to align my fucking chakras
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize