Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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