Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
